A Step Beyond Faith

Faith- My favorite, tricky subject. The complete trust or confidence in something or someone seems to always fail me. Fail me once, fail me twice, up until I hit a point where even faith in cannot save me. Something I like to call "A step beyond faith" is what will keep me going and what has kept me going when all I could see was darkness.

The world we live in today is filled with hate, and anger, immersed in worldliness ready to corrupt the unwilling soul. Corruption and peer pressure seem to lurk in to the deepest, darkest, smallest, corner of our hearts that we as so called 'all-knowing' humans fail to realize. We wrap our lives around such worldliness- Money, Fashion, Self-image, Gifts; that we, humans make it our ultimate goal to strive for these earthy rewards that will satisfy our hearts for what a year? 10 years? Oh 90 years! Then what? We are obsessed with wanting things done at once, immediately, at ASAP our lives are ever changing. A world where Facebook, texting, and online shopping has completely outdated snail mail and even email.. Our lives are changing from personal relationships to ME, ME, ME, and only ME. I want things done NOW.
Not to be judgmental but I am guilty of this as well. We want things done now that we don't care about what God has in store for us in our heavenly reward is the point I am trying to make. Do things even matter anymore? Take it from me, a guy who is not worthy of anything, "What does not matter in heaven does not matter at all." That being said I want to go a little deeper.

It is hard for me to share out of my journal, but the subject frustrates me and as much as the embarrassment I see in my flesh, I tend to think 'What have I got to lose?'

I ask you God, I want things done now. Not in your timing but mine. That is not how it works does it? I ask you for things that mean a lot to me. Things close to my heart, things that I ask for myself. Again, that is not how You work huh? Maybe my attitude should change. Everything does not point to me but all for Your glory. The one closest to my heart, You would take her away. I have the audacity to ask You why? You are Jealous. You are a jealous God. You are Jealous for Your own, what the heck, is that not all I want. How can I want things for myself when You have me? She is gone God. There I see her, walking away in the distance and I don't want her to leave but here You are right here with me. I just got back from Africa. You did a majestic work. I showed up and saw these things. I attest to the fact that You used me. I obeyed. Now, I ask You Lord. What is in this for me? What is in this for me? I realize now that I wanted things to be done now. I ask You, You provide. Now! Now! Now! I am sick, I need healing Now! I should just take it easy and realize that You love me enough to take care of me and control over my life. One of the problems I now see admits the sea of sin in my life, is that I am so impatient and I love my life too much to let give it away. I am paranoid. Now I offer my life to you my Father. Everything is done according to Your will and no matter where life takes me I know that You are sovereign.

A step beyond faith. Faith that no matter how bad things seem to be, I am not striving for treasure and wealth here but for Heavenly Rewards. I strive to hear the words, 'Well done'. I strive to live for You and only You. Only you can fill my heart with laughter. God, I do have more than faith in You. You will save me from misery. You promised. I am content in You.

My journey to Africa

A BIG hello from North Carolina! I finally feel somewhat rested and back running in the American sleep cycle. I was supposed to get back from my trip midnight the 20th of December. After being stranded in Africa for a couple of days thanks to the snow blizzard that swept through Europe, the team and I finally made it back on US soil Christmas Eve. I cannot begin to describe how grateful I am for all who prayed and encouraged me with love and financial support to go on this amazing trip. My life is changed and I owe it all to you. I don’t think I can stop talking about Africa because I saw so much but here is a quick glimpse of my experience over my two weeks in Uganda:

“This little village in Uganda captured my heart. My heart is overwhelmed: I feel selfish, I feel blessed, I feel like a waste of space abusing everything in sight. These people are just so happy. They are happy to walk, happy with cultivation, happy with no water pressure, happy with fruits for all three meals, happy with their clothes, happy to live, happy in Jesus, Happy and satisfied.” –Day 9, my journal

Africa captured my heart in a way never before and I loved every second of it. Months of prayer had me standing on African soil and it was just something I cannot describe unless you experience it for yourself. On the road to self-discovery God taught so much that I grew in my heart more than I had to offer to the country. 14 of us departed from North Greenville University on the 8th of December. As excited as I was, I had no idea that I was about to get myself into a Rollercoaster ride complete with emotional highs and breakdowns. God was going to begin a work in my heart like never before. We stayed in a little village called Hoima about three and a half hours away from the capital city Kampala. Hoima is beautiful! Green trees all around, dirt roads, and there were always kids and hospitable people everywhere I turned. The people in the village always had a bright smile and were quick to offer us guests a big bowl of grasshoppers or if anything a big warm hug. The purpose of the trip was to make relationships by evangelize on the streets, helping with an orphanage, help construct the new Hoima Baptist Fellowship church, and also to minister to people in prison. My heart was set on working with the kids at the orphanage and my self interest to show love to these kids resulted in me buying a suitcase full of school supplies and deflated soccer balls. I reached my first disappointment on the trip when I was told the orphanage visit was not going to work and there were change in plans. I quickly realized that I might make so many plans for myself but it is impossible to change what God had planned for me.

I am Indian and I was surprised to learn that Indians played a significant part in the history of Uganda. Indian people settled in Uganda for economy purposes early before Uganda had gained independence from the British. When the Indian people were hit by wealth, they unfortunately started mistreating the native Africans (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indians_in_Uganda). Today, most of the Ugandan people view Indians as arrogant, non-settling, and uncomfortable to share a cup of tea with. I was able to view this confused perspective first hand. I was given the opportunity to play cricket with a couple of Indians and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Although I was happy to play with the Indians, curiosity sunk in to my mind as to why the African kids were sitting on trees and not allowed to play. I could see in their eyes their longing to play and were more than happy to go fetch the ball for the Indian people when the ball went out of bounds. It was heart breaking to see my fellow people consider such a prejudiced approach in a country that is populated in majority by people they consider better than. People who I got to interact with throughout the two weeks had no idea how to deal with me. They figured that by default I would be just as the other Indian people and not care for the African people. Towards the end of the trip something very odd happened. I had done something without even realizing it. My good friend Butch came up to me during my last couple minutes in front of the church and said, “Prabu, I wish all other Indian people are just like you and I want you to please come back next year.” As much as wanted to tear up, I realized that God had just done something amazing. God broke the chains of how African people viewed the Indian people through me and are now on a mission to preach the gospel to them. They realized that God is the God of the whole world and everyone needs to hear the good news. I am blessed to serve such a God.

Another highlight from the trip was being able to baptize the people that I led to Christ. Through the trip, God taught me that it was his job to save a person versus it was only my job to show up. The second day in Uganda, Jessica, Holley and I were walking through the market when this young seventeen year old kid approached us. Jessica and I were able to talk to him about Jesus but he just seemed lost and not willing to open up. When I invited him to church, he said he had responsibilities at home to take care of his grandma and that he lived close to ten kilometers away from where we were. The next day at church, I was helping with Sunday school with the kids and I hear my name. It was Leonard! He said he was in a major bus wreck the night before and he was the only one who walked out of the scene without a scratch. He came to senses that God must love him and he should meet the guy who constantly kept telling me that Jesus loved him. He found me and he wanted to accept Jesus in to his heart. I could not believe the power of our God and he has a purpose for all of us and for people who are lost as well. I was also able to lead twin sisters to Christ but I had met these seven year olds at two completely different places. God is amazing. I also had the marvelous opportunity to lead a Muslim lady suffering from malaria to the Lord. My translators and I got to burn her charm a witch doctor gave her in hopes to heal her from malaria. In turn, the charm had summoned unwanted demons in to her household and she has been living scared ever since. She felt chained to the charm and had no idea what to do with it. Her son surprisingly was a believer and helped Christina and I to lead her to Christ. God swept across this nation and it was just amazing to see his mighty works first hand. The purpose of mission trips is not come back with exciting and fancy stories but to see the hand of God working through these stories.

The construction went really well as we made leaps of progress to actually worship in the building the last Sunday we were there. We helped dig a huge 9ft X 11ft X 9ft deep hole for the septic tank and it was by far the craziest and most physically demanding thing I have ever done in my life. As we were fighting through fatigue, and sweat we also sorted through piles of bricks, and wood to set up the roof on the building. It was interesting because exactly one year ago, I was in India driving my motorcycle around the city and doing whatever I wanted to do. Mom had food ready for me, mom would do my laundry, mom would wash the dishes, mom would do everything so that I can be happy and not do a single thing around the house. As this was a year ago, my back was killing me from all the shoveling. Here I am in random Africa a year later shoveling dirt out of this humungous hole/ Septic tank for hours, and I thought to myself what in the world happened and how did I get from that point a year ago to now? God has different plans for everybody and He can change a person’s life course any time. We also did ministry at the local jail. It was very intimidating but when you walk inside the big prison doors and see the inmates, you can tell they are desperate and are looking for hope. These people are going to be tagged criminals for the rest of their lives but I assured them that Jesus has other plans and could use their help in His kingdom. I was able to give my testimony and sing for them and it was one of the most humbling things I have ever done. .

The team to me was family and right now as I sit on my bed finishing this letter, I want to say that I miss everybody very much. We became family out there and the team played a big part in guiding me through my shortcomings and when I felt overwhelmed with everything that was going on. I could not have asked for a better team to share my experiences with and also a great support system here in America who were praying for me. The short-term mission trip I was just on cannot be reduced to a mere ‘visit’ for 2 weeks, instead a lifelong investment in the little village. We invested in some great people, people who I am still in contact with and hope to see again someday. I miss everybody in Africa very much and if it is not God’s will for me to go back next year my prayers are always with them.

Thank you SO much for helping me go on this trip. You all mean the world to me and have played a vital part in my life during this life-changing event. I am planning to go back this December and hopefully you will continue to pray and encourage me as I start my journey in search of what God has in store for me. I would humbly ask you to lift up our dear brothers and sisters in Uganda in prayer. Emma, Collins, Gordon, Britone, Jeffrey, Ronnie, Rashid, Ayebale, Godfrey, Fred, Bryan and my dear brother Butch are solid people and would love to have you praying for them as they continue to grow in the Lord. Please pray for the people the team helped lead to Christ over our stay in Uganda, and also pray that a great team will go this year again also.



For more information:
My pictures are on facebook: www.facebook.com/prabugupta (I have 4 albums called “There is a lot going on in this egg muffin”)

Love
Prabu

Truth, Prayer.

Forever Reign- Hillsong

Dear Jesus,

You are good, You are good
When there's nothing good in me
You are love, You are love
On display for all to see
You are light, You are light
When the darkness closes in
You are hope, You are hope
You have covered all my sin

You are peace, You are peace
When my fear is crippling
You are true, You are true
Even in my wandering
You are joy, You are joy
You're the reason that I sing
You are life, You are life,
In You death has lost it's sting

Oh, I'm running to your arms,
I'm running to arms
The riches of your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In your presence I'm made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I'm letting go

My heart will sing
no other name
Jesus, Jesus

Amen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au3EGgISYMc

Such Encouragement

The Father's Heart- Hillsong

When the walls close in around me
Let Your glory light the darkness of my life
When the suffering's all that I see
May I walk with you by faith and not by sight

On the throne of sweet surrender
I have nothing but to offer You my life
Greater love I have not found it
All by mercy You have eased this troubled mind

Open hearted, I will search and I will find

Humble King, You go before me
By Your grace, I send forth everything that's true
Through Your son I am made worthy
There is NO ONE who can love me like You do

And Forever I'll keep running back to you

WORTH

Life
Worth it?
Is it worth it?
A little yes, a little no
Wort it, worth it.

You tell me!

My Story

The Story.
The story I lived, The story I am about to live
My complicated story, my exuberant story.
My sad story, My happy story. More so the story.

Everybody has their own story.
Some hard to live up to, some hard to forget.
Stories worth forgetting are hard to forget.
My mind plays tricks on me.
My mind remembers my story.
My mind hates it and so does my heart.

Rob's story makes Rob
Colby's story makes Colby
So..
Prabu's story makes Prabu.
Would I trade my story?
I prefer to, but it was the Creator's plan
As promised in Jeremiah 29:11

My story is not complete
My story does not have a happy ending yet?
Does it need a happy ending?
What is the story's purpose with no reward.
I cannot give an answer.

My heart has been wounded,
My mind is trying to take over.
Shut off the hurt: Get out of here!
The past hurts, the past hurts.
The past needs to hit a resolution wall

Is it not but possible to make the past
Into a past that has no feeing
But the primary source of encouragement and strength.
Self-taught encouragement seldom works
I need You God.
I needed You in my past, and now I need You in the now,
and to finish my story.

At what cost am I about to cross twenty chapters of my life?
None, for You paid for mine in Your thirty third.
Why must I complain for a better chapter, and for an epic conclusion?
Because I want an epic conclusion.
I am ready for an epic conclusion.
I am stoked for an epic conclusion!

*I turn 20 in a couple days* :)

Just another day.

I have no motivation to post a blog online or type this out. I am doing this because I am bored and really want something to do. Things that are going through my head: Spain is going to take on the Dutch in a couple hours (super excited!), I need to clean up my room, God mother is coming to town next week, and I am going to have to sing at church next week.

Ah yes, lets pick the singing part at church. The last time I sang in public in India was at my grandma’s funeral. I never thought I would ever get another chance to lead worship here, but here I am helping out my newfound favorite church. Yup, I think I have fallen in love with my new church. Man, this is probably the most welcoming church I have ever been to in all my life. I will agree that I did not want to go. I did not want to go because I felt awkward beyond no measure, and very uncomfortable. I do believe that one has the right to chose his/her church, but has no right to criticize it’s content. Although, I do believe having different subdivisions such as ‘the Baptist community’, the ‘CSI’, the ‘Jehovah’s witnesses ‘ are totally unnecessary within Christianity, I do respect the amount of devotion and responsibility shown by each group. I believe Christianity is not a religion, but a relationship with Christ. I think we went on a tangent, let me read through the lines. Oh there we are, I decided to chose this church because my parents had been going there and also I have heard a great deal about the church both in the US and here in India. Yes, if you can’t tell, I am loving the church.

I am also perplexed about the amount of Rain the city has been getting. At first, I was really excited about the rain. I preferred the rain to a climate that successfully mimicked an oven, if not better. It was real pretty to see the rain to come down and I enjoyed starring at it for the first couple of days. It did start to get a little annoying after that, because the streets were getting flooded. It was almost impossible for me to drive through the water, over which people used boats made out of bamboo sticks to get from point A to point B in my neighborhood. The sight is really funny from my roof, but not when I am down there driving.

I just got news that my friend Sitara was in a really bad car wreck this morning. She shattered her left leg below her knee. She is really sweet. I can’t imagine the pain and frustration she is going through right now. This happened in the US by the way. She just got out of surgery but I have not heard of her condition as of right now. Please keep her in your prayers.

I have been learning German, and it has been quite interesting. I am starting to enjoy it. I am thinking about buying a book so I can start practicing it. Spain is about to play the Dutch in a couple of hours. If you are my friend on facebook, (if not click here: www.facebook.com/prabugupta) you would know where my loyalty lies. I am very excited for the Spaniards. I have been backing them for two years now. People for some reason don’t like them. Haha, I promise you, if you watch Spain play and David Villa striking a goal in, there is something magical about that team. I love them. Go get that cup now people :)

Well, I think I am going to head out for today, but y’all have a great weekend and take care. Hasta luega!